The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
