Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
