I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
