i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
