theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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