I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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