I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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