The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
