everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
