i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
