K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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