I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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