So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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