The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
