Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
