Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
