put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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