I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
