Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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