6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
