Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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