You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just high enough for therapy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
