You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Randomize