Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
