Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize