It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
