what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
