its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
