he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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