just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
