So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
