You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
