Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
