I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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