She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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