its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
