im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize