girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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