This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her vagine was all disorganized.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
