I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she told me i tasted like america
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
