I showed him my bush... on skype.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
