I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
