i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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