Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
