Having a random hookup so left but love u
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
