i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
