high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
