nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
