every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
