it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
