I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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