peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
