He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
honey bunches of taint.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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