We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
