I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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