What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
