Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
