Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
