I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
