She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
