just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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