I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize