she looked like the before picture.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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