Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Randomize