So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
