I think i peed on brittanys purse
she peed on how many people?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
