She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize